Loving you to Death

The editors of "Loving You To Death" would like you to know that the last thing your sweetheart sees before you murder him is you. That’s right, those little things you do, the stroking of his cheek, the tussling of his hair, letting him have that last TwizzlerTM, are the sort of things he’s going to remember for the rest of his life. So before you slit his throat, shoot him in the chest, poison his coffee, feed him lutefisk, inject him with cyanide, or throw him in a trash compacter–your choice, it’s a free country–fill his final moments with tenderness.

Be sure to say, “I love you,” one more time before you plunge that ice pick into his brain. For sure as shootin’, you can’t tell him after he’s gone. Besides, you can take that Twizzler from his hands once he’s dead. Don’t wait too long, though. Rigor mortis will set in and you won’t be able to open his hand. You’ll have to go to the store for more Twizzlers and trust me, you’ll be in a bad mood. You might even flip off the other drivers and why not, you’ve lost the love of your life.

Read. Enjoy. Sleep with one eye open